Sunday, June 27, 2010

Fallin' to Pieces

My friend Karen--who is much more than a friend: a role model, a support, a rock--records a new song every week and shares it on her blog every Monday.

This week, when I'm feeling stretched in too many directions and worn thin, her song choice was very appreciated. Music can be so therapeutic.


Thanks, Kaz.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Days like today

I could give you two dozen reasons why I ought to be annoyed, unhappy, frustrated, depressed and generally giving up.

Some days are like that.

But there is one reason why I can't give in to the bitter feelings that are knocking on the door: I want to be happy and if I don't choose it, it won't happen.

So today we choose to switch into survival mode and breathe deeply and laugh, laugh, laugh at how life can be.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Location, location, location

The week Eden was born, my husband received an email from a fabulous company, inviting him to interview with them. Unfortunately, although the company is considered one of the best in the world to work for, they don't have any offices nearby. It really got me thinking about life, especially about convenience vs. deliberate action.

My life right now is very convenient. It's comfortable. Is that a good thing? Or am I missing out on personal growth by sticking with the status quo? I feel like the time for adventure and relocating is probably pre-children. Especially pre-grade school.

My oldest son overheard us talking about what life would be like in southern California or Silicon Valley or Seattle or Colorado and was not happy. He has made it very, very clear that he doesn't want to move anywhere. He is comfortable. Life is good for him. He has friends and just got accepted into a great new school program for 3rd grade. Would it be selfish to take him away from that? Would it make his anxieties and worries (which are already an enormous burden for someone so young) unbearable?


Would it be like "coming home" when we never knew what we were missing? Would it be like finding that comfortable little niche of the world that makes our hearts feel happy? As much as I love the convenience and comfort of my life in Utah, I don't really love my area itself. Our "main street" is a stretch of one-story, grey cinder-block buildings with enormously ugly marquees in front with large power lines overhead and no greenery in sight. Ugh. It would be nice to live in a city that was planned out and had great character.

It's too much for me to think about. I have a newborn baby that won't let me sleep until midnight and three crazy, wild boys who are awake at 6:15 a.m. every morning. Life is so tiring right now and I am NOT thriving.

...but would I thrive somewhere else? Or just drown completely?

Life is confusing.

Friday, June 04, 2010

Cherished Moments of Youth. (Ha. Ha.)

Ahh those moments of youth, so cherished, so remembered. Those mistakes that we look back on fondly and chuckle over--moments of mortification turned humorous anecdote.

Like the time I put on lightweight khaki pants that were a wee bit snug and, when I heard an ominous stretching sound and looked in the mirror to see if they'd torn, saw only a slightly worn seam but no tear. So I kept wearing them for hours. Went to the store. Saw family. Then at night took them off, turned them over to inspect and discovered a ripped seam that was many (many) inches long. I had been wearing pants torn open and exposing my undies to the world for hours.

So humorous.

Or at least it will be someday. Not today. Because that happened yesterday.

But yes, someday I'll have a good, long chuckle about my struggles to fit back into normal clothes after my most difficult pregnancy. Some days I feel so young, so childish, so unpolished. Still so much to learn.

Ha ha?