Thursday, November 18, 2010

Miscellaneous 11/2010

Dear Utah drivers,

I've heard a rumor that it's bad manners to speed up and close the gap when somebody turns on his or her turn signal. In fact, I witnessed this a week ago. In Colorado, they actually SLOW DOWN and MAKE ROOM for you. Crazy, huh?

XOXO, a disgruntled driver

The good news about my trip to see my physiatrist was ... wait, I had it. Let me think.

Oh yeah, the good news was that there is no permanent nerve damage yet. The bad news, though? Pretty bad for me. The carpal tunnel surgery two years ago was a failure and will have to be re-done. And the left wrist is much, much worse now so it needs to be done as well. Nobody does the endoscopic (easy to recover from...) kind of surgery anymore. It's all the horrible kind that I had done. The recovery was so bad. So bad. I am almost in tears remembering it and knowing I have to do it all again.

But hey, no permanent damage yet, so there's that chance that maybe the next surgery will take and I'll have my hands back.

Sorry, not in a super positive mood right now. Try me tomorrow.

This was not the best week for me to set goals for a healthier lifestyle. I'm stressed and I want me some chocolate.

But I want me some less body fat, too, so too bad.

First ever attempt at wontons? Pure awesome. Think this is not in line with #4 (healthier lifestyle)? Nope. The way I will lose weight is by having a larger variety in my diet and having delicious foods at meal times so I don't binge all day between meals. I refuse to feel guilty about the wontons. Or the sesame chicken. (Yum.) I ate it with brown rice instead of white rice, so ... good? (And I don't fry the chicken. I just use chicken breast strips or shredded chicken and put the sesame glaze over it...) The Asian salad was amazing. We're doing this meal again next week. Fo sho.

I think I'm getting sick. I had a headache all day and my eyes hurt. Allergies? A cold? I don't know. But I feel bone tired and only about 50% present mentally.

Not a good time to blog.

A perfect time to blog.

People say that it's all about the pictures on the blog, ya know?

I know, right?

Have you ever thought about how to punctuate that phrase:
* I know. Right?
* I know, right?
* I know! Right?
It makes no sense when it's written down. I know, right?

Oh yeah, so pictures. Here you go. To appease the yearning masses longing for, err, I don't know. I'm tired. (Can you pinpoint the moment in this blog entry where I turned off the computer for a couple hours, then picked it up to continue later... tired-er and loopy-er? Betcha can.)

Here is something even goofier than my current writing mood. Twins are the best:

No, they're not identical. But they're both adorable.

I'm pretty sure society is going to heck. I just opened up CNN and their main headline reads, "What do dogs think about?"

Down below, really small, reads a headline, "Scientists capture antimatter atoms."

Argh. We don't need to read novels about dystopian cultures. Just gotta check CNN for proof that we're living in an age of irrationalismness. Uhh... Yes, did I mention I'm ti-red? Tired.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Breaking the Cycle of Codependent Behavior

All shades of drama/trauma at my house tonight when our eight-year-old had a total meltdown. He's so sensitive. So fragile. So tender. Life just breaks him down so easily and he cracks into a million pieces.

Everything turned out well for the little guy eventually with renewed self-esteem and hope for the future.

...and yet...

I noticed something slightly alarming.

In his big, big heart, he exclaimed, "I wish I could just give the whole world something!" He also bemoaned how sad it is that there is war in the world and he wish he could make it all go away. This kid really feels like he has the whole world on his shoulders. All the pain hurts him personally. And he wants to make everything all better.

...which kinda reminds me...

Being co-dependent is kinda something he's been surrounded by his whole life, and I am starting to worry that he's looking outward for validation, rather than inward. We had a huge talk about self-worth and how it never changes even if we get a little banged up and bruised. (Thanks, Studio 5, for the great segment about that!) And the next thing he talks about is ... serving other people. Which is cool. It's great. He has a huge heart. But the goal of our conversation was to get him looking inward at the amazing person he is, not looking outward to ways he can get that validation from other people.

How do you tell your little guy that if he doesn't start looking out for #1, he'll never be able to serve other people? How do you tell him that he's got to be more self-reliant without becoming more selfish? That he needs a better sense of self-preservation? That he can't depend on serving other people to create an identity for himself? All that without turning him into a narcissistic little toad?

Seems like such a "cute" little problem, doesn't it? It's not as harmless and endearing as it sounds, though, and it breaks my heart. I need this little guy to look inside and love what he sees instead of trying to see his worth reflected from other people's opinion of him.

Ack. It gets complicated. Quickly.

Service: thumbs up! Hooray!
Co-dependent loss of self while trying to control other people through seemingly-innocent acts of service: Boo! No!

It was probably in my mind. The kid just has a huge heart. But I fret and want to make sure that heart doesn't get broken. My head hurts. Time for bed. I'll make sense of this morning.*

* Forget about all this during the rush of getting kids to school and driving the carpool, only to remember it next time there is a self-esteem meltdown.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Like Today

...and then there are days like today.

Clean the house? Nope.
Take time to write? Huh-uh.
Exercise? Yawn.
Sing? La-la-la. There you go. That's all I got.

Have trouble sleeping last night? Check.

Monday, November 01, 2010


Clean the house.

I can choose two, or, on a good day, three before I melt into zombie mode.

Today, I finished chapter six of my chapter book ("Fight for the Galaxy!" ... named by the son for whom I am writing it) and did a bunch of research so I know where the next few chapters are heading (to the asteroid belt, naturally, which will be emotionally trying for all the characters). I exercised for 45 minutes. I did a bit of singing.

Zombie mode, here I come. It's not even 3 p.m. so I may have time for a bit of cleaning later on. (Eden is just stirring from her nap, so it won't happen right away!) If so, I am super woman. If not, I welcome exhaustion with open arms.